Why are you so angry? 
Sitting in your car, honking at the person in front of you who cut you off. Hoping they get pulled over for some other stupidity. Now your stomach is in knots, and the bit of peace you had this morning has fled. 

Why are you so angry? 
Glaring and making rude comments in your head to the person who is blocking your way, and won't pay attention because they are talking on their cell phone. You hate cell phones. They've turned everyone into jerks. 

Why are you so angry?
Dragging your feet going to work, wishing people would just stop talking to you. You don't want to hear their annoying excuses or justifications or lies about why they decided to do what they did. Hating that you have to work at a job you don't like because you need money. 

Why are you so angry?
Kids get home, and they immediately begin pushing your buttons, testing their limits. You have a headache, why can't they just do what they're told! Why are they fighting, banging around, making a mess and a ton of noise!
Why are you so angry? 

Why is that person so angry?
Honking at me, I don't know what I did...I'm distracted, thinking about my wife who is so sick, medical bills piling up, and I'm late for work. I feel scared, and weighed down. I'm sorry... 

Why is that person so angry? 
I'm standing here, arguing with my ex over custody, again. And she is calling me names, breaking my heart all over again. I don't know why that person is glaring at me. I feel so sad and hurt. I'm sorry...

Why is that person so angry? 
My co-worker rolling their eyes at me. I'm wishing I had the confidence to make a decision and be comfortable with it. Wishing I knew what to do in this situation. Wishing someone would acknowledge my feelings. I feel so alone and confused. I'm sorry...

Why is that person so angry? 
Tired today, and school was hard. Oh no, mom has a headache again. I'm tip-toeing around, trying not to disturb her. I'm so focused on trying to watch my step that I don't hear what she said. I'm trying to stay away, but I'm on edge. My sister called me a mean name, so I hit her. Now she's chasing me around, and mom is yelling at us. I feel sad and unforgivable. I'm sorry...

Why am I so angry? 
When that person cut me off, I felt disrespected, and invisible.
Why am I so angry? 
When that person wouldn't move, I felt disrespected and invisible. 
Why am I so angry?
When my co-worker was trying to lie and justify bad decisions, I felt like they thought I was stupid. I can't say anything because it might turn into a fight, and I hate fighting.  I feel helpless. 
Why am I so angry?
When my kids don't listen to me, I feel disrespected. I feel alone. I feel tired. I feel frustrated. I feel helpless. I feel overwhelmed. 
Why am I so angry? 
I feel like a failure.

I know what I say about me, and I think I know what others say about me, but what does God say about me?

Who I Am In Christ (Living Free in Christ, Neil Anderson)

I am accepted: 
I am God's child (John 1:12)
I am Christ's friend (John 15:15)
I am justified (Romans 5:1)
I am united with God (1 Corinthians 6:17)
I am chosen by God and adopted as His child (Ephesians  1:3-8)
I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 2:18)
I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins (Colossians 1:13-14)

I am secure:
I am free from condemnation (Romans 8:1-2)
I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances. (Romans 8:28)
I am not separated from the love of God (Romans 8:35-30)
I have been given a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7)
I can find grace and mercy in time of need (Hebrews 4:14-16)
I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me (1 John 5:18)

I am significant:
I am a personal witness of Christ's (Acts 1:8)
I am God's coworker (1 Corinthians 3:9) 
I am God's temple (1 Corinthians 3:16)
I am God's workmanship (Ephesians 2:10)
I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Ephesians 3:12)
I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13)

When we can take all the truth God says about us, and replace those lies, transformation happens. 

Why are you so happy? 
I have peace. I know where I can turn for help. I know I don't have to do this on my own. I have support, I have comfort, and I have real joy down in my being. I know who I am, I know where I came from, and I know where I am going. I can rejoice. 

Yesterday was a day of greatness and hope. Early in the morning, the Holy Spirit was nudging me get down on my knees. I'm not sure how long, but while the girls and the dog were sleeping, I was in my bedroom on my knees in the dark with my head bowed, praying circles. 

I've been reading a book, The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. It talks about circling our biggest dreams and biggest fears in prayer, and not limiting God to our small box of human misunderstanding. God is the Creator, of course He doesn't work in our ways! He can do so much more than we could ever comprehend. I don't want to limit Him to what I think is possible. What I want to do is step out with complete trust that He has already answered my huge impossible-to-me prayers. If my prayers are things that I can do on my own, then how can I ever see how awesome God is? 

Yesterday morning I was on my knees circling one thing in prayer. Or rather, a person. A child that I love, not born yet, has already been classified by the doctors as one who is not compatible with life. I know that most people have difficulty hoping for more, but I have seen God work miracles in my life. I know some of what He is capable of. I have enough prayers to share. In all the biggest dreams that I have in my heart, that this beautiful baby is born whole and healed is the biggest and most important right now. I would say that I have just a couple more months until I see this miracle, but I don't want to step on God's toes. He might take longer than what I expect. So, until I see a miracle for this baby, I will circle her in prayer. God is the final authority on who or what is compatible with life.

After circling, the girls and I got ready for school. I had to work, and my work day was amazing! I had such incredible patience and amazing joy! The work I do is hard for me. Working with the public is not an easy job for me, especially when so many hurting people are walking around. My co-workers are some fantastic people. One of them brought me a treat. Then the bus dropped my girls off to me, and even though we had some difficulties, we were able to work through them. Then it was off to pick up the dog from daycare. 

There is a bit of a story behind this daycare. The woman who owns and runs this daycare is one of the most special and fantastic people I have in my life. She is constantly supporting our family, especially through Eliska's difficulties. She watches my dog for free while I work, and tells me that if I need to go overnight somewhere and can't take him that she will care for him. She has two dogs, and all three get along so well. I have been trying to think of ways to show her I appreciate all she has done. God sent that opportunity. She offered to pay me for taking care of her dogs while she is gone, but no way! What an honor to be able to do something for her! 

We are also taking care of a friend's cats while she is gone. When we went up there, she had three little Halloween goody bags with fun stuff inside. One for each of us. This friend's house is right near the entrance to a trail that leads to the small lake in the middle of the city. While we were waiting for the mail truck, we took the dog for a walk. The girls had so much fun, and I got some cardio workout in! It was a very blessed day, and it started with listening to the Holy Spirit! 

God also gave me this song below, for yesterday. Most people believe that God has redeemed us, but they don't really understand it fully. I can't even fully understand it either, but because He has never let me down, I am going to trust that what He says is truth. Its not always easy trusting, and hoping. When the world starts pressing in, pushing down on you, its hard not to give in. Our human bodies can't take that kind of pressure. But for those of us who have accepted God's gift, He is living inside, and He transforms our understanding if we let Him. "Greater is the one living inside of me, then he who is living in the world."

I have dreams. I dream impossible dreams. The bigger and more impossible, the better. Experience tells me I will always be single. My impossible dream tells me there is the perfect Godly man out there for me. Experience tells me that I will always be struggling financially, always using the last penny, and still never having enough. My impossible dream tells me I will work part-time and earn a full-time income. My experience tells me that I will never be able to own my own house. My impossible dream tells me that not only will I own it, but I will build it, and it will be awesome! My experience tells me that I will never get that book finished, or this book published. My impossible dream says I will write more books, and they will be best-sellers. My experience tells me that I will always reside in Washington state. My impossible dream tells me I will travel all over the world. 

My experiences are my limitations. I know I can never do all that stuff. And that is okay. But my dreams belong to God. He put them into my heart. He kept the ember burning, throughout the times I was sinking in the deep end. He taught me to swim, and kept that ember burning. 

Now that ember is flaming! I am learning to dream the impossible dreams, and know that they will come to pass. I have learned that I cannot attain the impossible dream, but that God can. 
Impossible dream+me=impossible dream. 
Impossible dream+God=possible dream.

God doesn't live far above us, passing judgement on our every move. He isn't an ambivalent Creator, viewing us as insignificant screw-ups. He lives in each of us that makes the choice to invite Him in. Did you get that? He lives on the INSIDE! I invited Him in, and for years, because I didn't understand His truth, I dreamed impossible dreams, while He kept that ember burning. 

After many years, I learned the truth. The truth is that God waited for me, speaking quietly and lovingly to His girl who was broken and cut wide open. He stayed with me, never leaving, knowing that I couldn't hear Him, that the world spoke louder, but also knowing that in the future I would start to hear Him again. He stayed with me while I began to learn about His truth. He stayed with me when I surrendered to His perfect plan. He is still with me while I continue to learn His truth, and that fire is blazing in my heart. 

I am going through a transformation journey, and it is nothing like I've ever done before. It is only through the surrender of my flawed plan and my weak will that He can come in and start binding my cuts together, healing them so they are new. No scars. No tape. No glue. Brand-new. And because I've been on this transformation journey, I have discovered that my impossible dreams are God-possible. Only He can make them come true, and He will, because He gave them to me.

God is amazing! In ways that we as humans cannot even comprehend! He doesn't work on our level. He works on the supernatural level. He wants us to dream those big impossible dreams because then He can show us His supernatural and amazing work. He can show the world how tremendous He is. I am a part of that and I'm thrilled! No more weak little dreams that I can do on my own. I'm throwing those down and I'm taking up the banner of God, thanking Him for the dreams that will become a reality because HE SAID SO! Why don't I see miracles around me today? Big, impossible miracles? Because I've limited my acceptance of God's works by what the world says is possible. But the world is not the authority.

I'm charging forward, and dreaming big. Want to join me? What is your impossible dream? And are you going to let God transform you and fan that little smoldering ember into a blazing bonfire? 

You are lovable. You are valuable. You are worth the sacrifice of Jesus. God says so.