God's Amazing Grace

This morning, in the middle of my workout, the DVD started skipping. Because I've missed so much time with exercise lately, I was so frustrated! I threw a big fit to God, complaining, getting so mad because I was trying to do something that I felt He had told me to do. I was trying to get my body back to healthy. And being that I'm so heavy, the activities that I can do at home are limited. So when the DVD isn't working (the fault is the DVD player I think), I can't do my exercises. So...temper tantrum. I got so angry with Him! I told Him this is when I start to feel like He is playing head games with me! 

I threw my fit, like a spoiled toddler. 

Then we went about our day. We went to a wedding. Both the girls participated in the wedding. Jesse Jo as the candle lighter, and Eliska as the flower girl. I was so nervous the entire time! There was doubts that Eliska would be able to handle the small amount of anxiety and pressure that came with the job. But she did fantastic! They both did! And they were so beautiful! Things went great! 

After the wedding, we went to meet a dog. This in itself is incredible, given my anxiety over social situations. For over a year, it has been our dream for Eliska to have a dog to help her. Every week, our church family has been praying for this dog. She needs a bigger dog to ground her, to calm her down. A companion. Money is tight, and I have not been able to find a decent dog for under $500. We aren't looking specifically for a purebred, but just a good dog buddy for her. A year ago we received the okay from the apartment owners for Eliska to get her dog. And, this week, we might have found one. He was young enough to adapt, but old enough to be house trained. He loves kids, and seemed absolutely thrilled to see us. I told the owner I had to think about it, and we came home. Eliska has been creating a work of art all afternoon for her new dog. I have doubts, because I don't want this dog if God didn't put him there for us. I was concerned about the responsibility of spending money on this dog, when I need to save money for a new truck. Which brings us to the next part of the story of today. 

I was given the option to purchase a truck from a friend. It is a decent truck, a Nissan with a manual transmission, which is what I prefer. My current truck, Jack, is a Nissan with a manual. This is a great opportunity for us, and I trust these people completely. I trust that they want what is best for us. So, I know they are going to sell me this truck, but I need to save the money up for it. I have almost the full amount, and then I need some more for taxes and whatnot. So, (ready for it?), the cool part is I sent Jesse Jo out to check the mail. She brought back a letter, with no return address. It was addressed to me, and sent through Spokane, WA. I don't live near Spokane, so it is no one from nearby, as far as I know. Inside was an anonymous note that read, "Leah Potter, For your truck...XOXO..."  Inside this note is enough money to bring me almost completely to my goal. I'm speechless! 

After my temper tantrum to God this morning, He spent the day blessing me in huge ways! He spent the day answering one prayer after another! From helping Eliska walk through the wedding ceremony without incident, to providing her a much needed dog companion, to providing further finances for our transportation! On my knees, praise HIM! That He would bless me so much when I'm acting like a spoiled brat! Our God DOES NOT react like a human does! His nature is to bring us closer to HIM, to love us, regardless of our weak actions! I know how He works, and I'm closer to HIM than I have ever been, but I still falter, and I still doubt, and I still get angry with HIM sometimes. HOW DARE I! But I do dare, and He doesn't walk away, He doesn't back out of His care and concern, His promises, His love. 

Amazing Grace! I am weak! I am spoiled. I am angry. I am wrong. I am doubting. I am impatient. I make mistakes. I sin. I am unworthy. And then God, my DADDY, HE IS LOVE! And I am humbled. I am grateful. I am blessed. I am honored. I am loved. I am enough. I am worthy. I am saved. I am valuable. I am royalty, a princess, the daughter of the KING of kings. Hallelujah, thank You. 

I encourage you to hang on. When it seems dark. When it seems as if God has disappeared. When it seems He has gone deaf, and cannot see you or hear you. Hang on! I have experienced those dark moments, and those doubts. Even in the middle of good things, I was still feeling left behind. Oh, what a lie! You may be walking through the desert right now, and I'm sorry. I know it sucks, because I've walked through my desert. It was long, and despairing, and I thought I would die. But God wouldn't let me. All I can offer to you is my own experiences, and hope. Amazing grace. It is for us all. 

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