She is me

This past weekend I had the pleasure of meeting up with a few people who I went to school with. I spent the majority of my childhood and teenage years with these people. The joy I felt at seeing them was great. I loved to hear about their lives and their families. Over the rest of the weekend, I reflected on my past, and who I am today, 13 years after high school. Leah Potter, the funny, smart, serious-thinking, and talented girl disappeared for ten-plus years. That is a long time to lose someone.

She didn't just lose her way. She was disappeared by those who she trusted. Physically and emotionally abused by the ones she loved. She got scared, and hid. Cowering to protect herself under a constant barrage of anger, maliciousness, and lies. What was left was a silent girl hiding in a broken shell. 

It took awhile for her to start to come out of the shell, to start to speak without fear of retribution. And many times she turned back and hid. Even now, there are setbacks. There are experiences that leave her with a handful of bricks, building the wall to protect herself from those who broke her trust...again. But she always had a small hint that I was in there. A tiny bright dot, never disappearing altogether. 

The more this person becomes me again, the more I am able to nurture and protect this girl. Today, I am stronger than I ever was. I don't believe the lies that were poured into my head, sinking heavy and black on my heart. Everyday is an experience that I learn from. Either its an awesome day full of pure joy or it's a tough day that I fight like hell to survive. In each case, I can thank God for His blessings and strength, and for providing a way back to who He created me to be. 

I still am not completely back. I know there is more ahead of me. Dreams that disappeared with who I was have resurfaced. Passion for the things that ignite my soul are beginning to flare up again. I still have remnants of those experiences that haunt me. Little things that wouldn't bother someone else send my heart racing and paralyzing thoughts ricocheting around my brain. 

But my voice is back. My passion is lighting up. My dreams are clear ahead of me. God hasn't promised me smooth sailing, but He has promised to be with me 100% and all the way. We only get one chance at this life. I lost over ten years of my life. I don't intend on missing out on any more.

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