Tears

What are tears? 

Google definition: a drop of clear salty liquid secreted from glands in a person's eye when they cry or when the eye is irritated.



They are more than that. Tears are the tangible evidence of emotion. Tears of happiness, grief, frustration, anger, fear, manipulation, awe, inspiration...the list can be endless.

I was in junior high, I think, when I started to hate myself for crying. I learned that it was a weakness. As I got older, I tried to force myself not to cry, so by the time I was in my late teens, I just didn't. And then it took years before I was able to let myself cry again. 

I had heard somewhere that holding tears in can be toxic. I don't know scientifically if that is accurate, but it makes sense. Holding on to my tears certainly didn't make things better for me.  What am I going to do with all those tears I kept hidden, anyways? What good are they to me? 

Why were tears a weakness to me? Maybe because it was involuntary. It represented a lack of control. It showed my emotion, and showing emotion was a dangerous thing in my life. If you show the weakness of emotion, you will be hunted down and killed. What a lie! 

It isn't wrong to cry. It isn't wrong for women, and it isn't wrong for men. God has made us with this ability. Even Jesus  cried. John 11:35   If Jesus cried, why do I think I need to be stronger than Him? How can I even attempt to be stronger than Him? 

What does God do with our tears? 

You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn
    through the sleepless nights,
Each tear entered in your ledger,
    each ache written in your book.

Psalm 56:8


God sees every tear, and keeps track. 


Crying takes courage. It is courageous to share emotions with those around you. 
Crying releases control. Unclenching my hands from the reins of my life, and with my mouth telling God to take over has been the best decision I've ever made. It has brought more tears, but these are ones that are healing. Sometimes I'm grabbing back the reins, but the more I remember and give it back, the easier it is to let Him steer. I prefer a life with God in control and not me. When I thought I was in control, I still wasn't. My life was unsafe, I was miserable, and I almost died. 

I give control of my life and myself to God. I will wait on His perfect timing. He helps me have the courage to weep, to tell people what I am feeling or struggling with, to ask for help, and to point towards His awesomeness. 

Don't hide your tears. They do not make you weak. God counts your tears. You are loved.